JOHNNY CARSON #2

CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT
BY DAN MILLER
(originally posted January 26, 2005)

Today, I revisit the mental powers of Carnac. He somehow divined these answers -- then opened the envelopes, and magically revealed the questions.

THE ANSWER IS: OPEC
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What does an Irish chicken do?
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THE ANSWER: Sis Boom Baa
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What's the sound of an exploding sheep?
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THE ANSWER: Blazing Saddles
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?
___

THE ANSWER: "Follow the yellow brick road"
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What are good directions to a urologist's office?
___

THE ANSWER: Hi Diddle Diddle
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What's the first thing you say in the morning to your diddle diddle?
___

THE ANSWER: Skalliwags
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What does your skalli do when it's happy?
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THE ANSWER: Bible belt
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants
___

THE ANSWER: Ben Gay
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?
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THE ANSWER: An unmarried woman
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 PM on June 1, 1959
___

THE ANSWER: Old wives tale
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What do cannibals find hard to digest?
___

THE ANSWER: Grape Nuts
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo?
___

THE ANSWER: Igloo
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?
___

THE ANSWER: Gatorade
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare?
___

THE ANSWER: Black and white and twenty feet tall
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: Describe Sister Mary Kong
___

THE ANSWER: Until he gets caught
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve?
___

THE ANSWER: Supervisor
(open envelope)
THE QUESTION: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?

"When I die, I don't want a huge funeral. I don't want a lot of fanfare and eulogies. I just want a few of my very best friends and family to gather around my grave.... and try to bring me back to life."
---JOHNNY CARSON (1925 - 2005)

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