By Dan Miller
June 24, 2008
George Carlin almost always made me laugh, though I would usually turn the TV sound very low to protect nearby innocent ears.
Much of his funniest stuff is simply not suitable for anyone easily offended by strong language..... so I won't print those comments here....
But I will offer a few of George's observations on life.
The first joke I remember hearing from George Carlin was his classic weather forecast, presented on the Ed Sullivan Show many years ago: "The weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning."
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"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that @#*!!#!!"
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"Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."
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"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
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"Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?"
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"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
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"Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, Well, okay, that's enough of that.""
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"The next time they give you all that civic @#!!#* about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election."
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"... the best thing about getting older is you're not responsible for remembering things anymore. It's a lot of fun. You can look around the dining room table and say, "Who are you people and where is my horse?"" **(slightly edited)**
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"If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?"
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"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
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"Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did."
George Carlin, R.I.P
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